Four Girls....

Those that know me know that I have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself. I've been known to spout off not really caring what the repercussions were. There's one thing that I've done fairly well of biting my tongue on though, but I've reached my limit. I'm done shrugging it off and making jokes like it doesn't bother me because it does.

"Four girls?" "Yep four." "Wow, your poor husband." "Yep, he's pretty blessed" or "it's character building" is generally my response. But why? Why my poor husband? Why is it that having four girls or more than one girl in general is bad? When did having a girl for a child suddenly become a consolation prize?  Is her life not as valuable simply because she's a girl? When did having a healthy child become only exciting if it were a boy?

You see, when we chose to have children, we didn't have them hoping for a specific sex. I think if you're having children in hopes of having a particular sex, you're having children for the wrong reason. When we decided to have children, we hoped and prayed that we would simply have healthy happy children. Thank God we did.  Four of them to be exact. Four beautiful, healthy baby GIRLS.

See as a mother when I hear you say "your poor husband" I hear you say my child isn't valuable. I hear you say that she isn't good enough. I hear that simply because God made her a girl by His design, she has somehow already failed in your eyes. Your seemly simple comment sends a much deeper message to me and my girls. You devalue them every time that you say that and they pick up on it.

I believe that what children hear is what they will believe. We tell our girls how smart they are. How funny, kind, beautiful, etc. they are. We never say you'd be funnier if you were a boy. We don't change the beliefs that we instill in them because they are girls. We let them know that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to if they work hard at it. Who are you to undermine that?

You're seemingly harmless comment that I've let slide by for quite some time isn't just hurtful to me, but to my entire family, including my husband. What you're saying to him is that he shouldn't be proud of his daughters, that if he would have had sons, that it would have been more praiseworthy. You're suggesting to both of us that we have somehow failed because we have girls. Somehow in that one comment, you not only manage to devalue my girls and the female sex in general, but you also manage to emasculate him as well.

I'm sure you would never ask a parent that's lost a child if the loss was somehow easier because the child was a girl. You'd never dream of saying something like that to a grieving parent, so why on earth would you think it's ok to degrade a living child to their parent? Plain and simple, it's not. Every life has value and the loss of that life is no easier to bear simply because of the gender that was lost.

So yes, my poor husband has four beautiful, healthy, happy girls. There are certainly worse things in the world. You may continue with your narrow minded thinking, but don't be surprised if the next time one of those comments is directed my way, you get a more direct response of "yep, how awful for him to have four healthy, happy, and beautiful children that happen to be girls."

I encourage you to think before you speak. Perhaps I should take some of that advice myself, but this is one that I'll probably just let the words come on their own. My family is something I don't take lightly, and preserving my children's respect of themselves is tops on the list. I'm proud of my girls and so is my husband. Don't try to undermine that.

PS --- Yes, we know what cause the amount of children we have. News flash: We like it and each other!

We've Been Led Astray

A week ago I went into work early, my mind reeling with the events that happened in Dallas. I struggled to understand why it happened. I prayed that morning on my way to work and as I walked into my office for those involved. I wondered why. Why did this happen? Is it really about the uniform that's worn? Is it really about skin color?

As I walked in, a picture caught my eye. The picture has been on my desk in the same spot for two years. It's of me and my friend Kahalah at a Clerk's conference. As I looked at that picture my heart hurt even more. I guess by today's standards and on paper we shouldn't be friends. Running down the list, she's a Democrat, I'm a Republican. She's from the city, I'm from the country. She's black, I'm white. Here's the thing though, when I see her, none of that matters and I'm certain that none of that matters from her perspective either. To me she's one of the most intelligent, God-fearing, determined women I've ever met. I trust her with things I wouldn't tell many. Our differences don't define us or our friendship.

 

 

I wondered if I wore a uniform to work everyday if I would be targeted simply because of my occupation like those officers were. I wondered why we are so divided against one another. I wondered how we got to where we are. The more questions that ran through my mind, the more obvious the answer became.

 

We've become so self involved that we've forgotten that it's not always about us. You don't matter because of your job, your gender, your race, your political party, or your religion. You matter because God made you. He made you just as he made every other person on this earth and each life matters. All lives matter.

 

Society and the media have led us astray. We're fed exactly what will draw the ratings. We're fed what will lead to more dynamic television. Dynamic focuses on the "me" of it all. When we turn on the tv at night, it's not the good things of the world that we're being shown, it's the worst. It makes martyrs out of those that commit these senseless acts.

 

Yet we continue to buy into all that we're fed. We've never questioned how one man could shoot up a club and kill so many for such a long period of time without anyone knowing or anyone attempting to stop him. We've just been told that guns are to blame. We continue to believe that guns are what kill people. Yet don't hold accountable the person that actually used the gun. A gun is no more responsible for a death than a car is for someone getting a DUI. People make choices. Choices that are centered on themselves, clearly without regard for the effect that it has on others. Just yesterday another tragedy struck when someone killed over seventy-five people with a truck. Yet there's not a huge push by any political figure to take away our cars. Why? Because the truck didn't kill the people, a person killed people.

 

We're becoming sheep. We believe what we're told. We glamorize the violent protests yet don't show the peaceful ones. We've been led to believe that black and white can't live in peace. Our leaders and our media are dividing us. This isn't exclusive to white police brutalizing black people. Those acts are irreprehensible. Those officers should be held accountable, however, not all cops are bad. Yet again the media only shows us the bad, not the thousands that do good.  

 

Our President has the opportunity to unite us as a country. He could choose to call for peace, to support law enforcement in their capacity, to acknowledge that not only gay, and black lives matter, but ALL lives matter. He's called to ban guns from those that can legally obtain them because guns kill people.  Prohibition was to keep us as a country from consuming alcohol.  It didn't work. Those that wanted it, still found a way to get it illegally. The same holds true for guns. If a criminal wants them bad enough, he'll get them, Chicago is a prime example.  As a country, we've failed to hold our President accountable as our leader. Our media doesn't hold him accountable either. It all plays hand in hand as to how we've allowed ourselves to be led astray.

 

We've become accustom to the it feels good and I'm all that matters. We've put on blinders and never questioned how we ended up more divided than we've been in decades. The answer is this, we've been led astray and have become self absorbed. We've turned away from the principles that our country was founded on. We've cut God from our lives, we've chosen to believe all that's put on the television, we've stopped questioning those that lead us. We've become lackadaisical. We've lost sight that all life is important, not just our own.

 

Somewhere along the way we've forgotten that we are to love one another. We've forgotten that hate divides and defeats. Only love can unite and conquer. We may not agree with each other, but we should respect each other. We should honor the gift of life, not shatter it.

 

It's time. It's time for us to stop being led astray. Stand up. Ask question. Unite. Love.

 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."     ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13: 34