I was driving to pick up the girls the other night after work and I saw a lady walking her dog. The dog was noticeably nursing. My mind went to "I bet she doesn't look like she used to" (if you know what I mean, and yes I know dogs don't really think in those terms). That then led me to the thought of well neither am I. I mean honestly, I can really relate to the dog. I may not have had a litter of puppies, but four kids make your body not quite what it once was. Bear with me, I have a point.
Many things in life aren't the same after having kids. One kid, you don't really notice much change. Two kids, some things are a little harder. Kids three and four, well let's just say nothing's like it used to be (can I find a babysitter?). Every thing changes from the things you find important to you HIGHLY adjusted definition of hygiene. Nope things aren't what they used to be.
You find time for your spouse something that's near nonexistent. The old adage you should never stop dating your spouse takes on a new meaning when you can't remember the last time you actually had a date. In my world it had been too long. Too long since we went out, focused on each other not the kids, and just enjoyed being together. I could feel it. It felt like we were drifting away and that closeness was distant, but tension was near. I hated it, I still do.
We finally had a night out the other day. It wasn't an evening that novels are made of, but it was time alone. It was time to talk and to enjoy being us, and not mom and dad. I realized from that evening, that the adage is true, you truly cannot stop dating your spouse. I don't want to wake up in seventeen years when my children are gone and not really know the person next to me. We all change and if we don't make an effort to know the person we're living with distance sneaks in and steals the love and joy that you once found in each other.
It's the little things that keeps that connection there. It's the fact that twice a day my toothbrush is made for me. That nine times out of ten, the dishes are done so it's one less thing I have to mess with when I get home. That every night, I'm held and loved, not because I deserve it, but because he overlooks the millions of shortfalls that I have and loves me anyway. I've vowed to myself to make dating my husband a priority. I need it, we need it, our kids need us to have that. Our marriage is the model that their marriages will be based on. I don't want it to be the marriage that lets obligations steal what's important. I want it to be the marriage that shows two people that have a foundation based on Jesus Christ, that work hard at being together, that make each other a priority even when it's not convenient, and love each other through it all.
My social calendar isn't what it once was. Finding time to schedule a date with a friend is like trying to pin down the exact date that Christ is coming back, darn near impossible. The evenings of hey let's grab dinner or hitting a movie at the drop of a hat are long gone. Now we try to schedule months in advance for a quick lunch or maybe a joint family dinner. However, a true friend is an amazing find. It makes the quick lunch seem like a million dollars. A well timed text that can make me crack up in the middle of a meeting can brighten my day. No, friendships and social calendars aren't what they used to be, but I imagine that I wouldn't appreciate those little things near as much without the complexity that has now become my hectic life.
Back to the dog. She reminded me that I'm not what I used to be either physically, mentally, or emotionally. Ten years ago I'd have never believed that the words "I love that you're my mama" would make my day and make my heart ache because she could never know how much more I love her. I never imagined that every little thing that each of my girls do could make me so proud. I never imagined that the girl that refused to let herself cry for years could become weepy over a commercial. My body has changed, it's softer, stretchy, some places are bigger, others are smaller. My body is definitely not what it used to be. There are parts of me that at times wishes money were no object and that flat tummy and perky chest were an option again. Then I'm reminded of the four sweet faces that made this body what it is and every time they grab my cheeks and give me a kiss and light up when they see me, I'm reminded that I'm ok the way I am. Those sweet little hands and faces are the things that matter, not me being swimming suit model material (because let's face it, even at my best, I wasn't that!).
No life definitely isn't what it used to be, it's better. It's better because I am loved more than I deserve. It's better because I've come to appreciate true friendship. It's better because I've learned and I've learned through the little things. So every day, even when I'm at my wits end (and believe me there are many that I question how the heck I made it to bed time), I remind myself how blessed I truly am. I'm loved by God, my husband, my children, my family and friends and that's more than enough.
Thank you random mama dog for reminding me that life isn't want it used to be, but it's definitely all that it's supposed to be.
