Recently I attended a conference and one of the sessions I attended was Talking To Your Kids About Sex. I had so many great takeaways from that session. There was a statistic that stuck with me that I've rolled over and over in my mind. It disturbs me and I can't quite come to terms with it. Here it is: 81% of female college freshman at Stanford felt that if they went on a date and one hundred dollars or more was spent, then they owed the person that took them on a date something sexually.
OWED. My mind was absolutely blown. There are so many soapboxes I can get on with this thought and since it's my blog, I'm going to hit most of them.
How on earth does a young girl, who is obviously intelligent based on the fact that she's attending Stanford, not recognize her value is FAR more that a measly hundred bucks? As a society we have failed. We have failed miserably if we think that it's acceptable for a girl to think she owes someone some sexual favor because money was spent. What are we saying to our children? As parents, family, friends, teachers, pastors, brothers, sisters, and any other roll you may possibly play in a child's life we are not instilling the value of self-worth. Something tells me that this number isn't exclusive to Stanford.
It's got me fired up. If I do nothing else as a parent, my children will know their value. And you can bet your bottom dollar that it ain't gonna be no hundred bucks. Women have fought too long and too hard to become the strong, progressive, and independent people we are. The struggle was not for women to be treated as simple sex objects and suppressed. How on earth are we going to accept the notion that our sexual values have a minimal price tag? I can't and I won't.
Here's what I'm saying: NO. Not just no, but hell no. You will know your value. You will know that you are worth far more than one hundred dollars. In fact, I don't care how much money there is, you are worth more. You are invaluable and you will not lower yourself to the sub-par standards this world has set. This is why: you have value that cannot be set by man. You are a child of God. You are loved. You are strong, intelligent, driven, and beautiful. You will not allow yourself to be made to feel as if you owe someone something sexually or otherwise because you know your value. You know right and wrong, and odds are that you know one hundred bucks isn't where you draw your line for right.
Sweet girl, nothing is owed to anyone simply because you were taken on a date regardless of the dollar amount spent. What is owed to the young man taking you on a date is exactly what's owed to you: RESPECT. With respect comes boundaries and you get to set those boundaries for yourself, no dollar amount should do that for you. I don't care if ten thousand dollars is spent on a date, that's a choice that he made within his boundaries, yours are not predicated by his actions.
So here's the deal. Whether you are my daughter, my friend, my friend's kid, or a stranger on the street, you're worth more. So much more. Know you're value. Know that you are far better than one measly date regardless of the price tag on it. Truth be told, if the guy that took you is worth anything, he won't expect anything sexual in return. If he does, that should tell you a lot about him really quick. There's more to you than sex. You have dreams, goals, ambitions and anyone that wants anything sexual from you needs to care about those things far more than the dinner tab. Don't sell out. Don't sell yourself short.
Parents, can we come together and teach our kids that they are worth more than this world is telling them? Can we teach them that they are loved and valued far beyond their flesh? Let's start when they're little by showing them love and positive attention so they don't grow up seeking any kind of attention and mistake it for love. If your kids are older, it's not too late to fess up to our short-comings and help them see that though we may have fallen short early on in expressing it, they are valuable. Let's talk to them about sex so that the world isn't teaching them about it. Let's teach them that there's more to love than just lust. Let's teach them not to objectify the opposite sex. Let's teach them to hold out for someone that loves all of them, not just the physical part of them. Can we work really hard to do this whether you have sons or daughters? Because I don't know about you, but I know my girls are worth far more than what this world's telling them and I don't want them to settle for anything...EVER.
