I haven't slept well since I got the call. The heaviness in my chest is more constant than not. The lump in my throat comes more quickly than it goes. The tears spring almost anytime there's a lull in my day and my thoughts drift to you.
To some it may seem silly. It's been around two years since you were actively a part of this family. Heck it'd been close to a year since we'd talked last. Yet, I find myself saddened in a way I can't explain. The more I think about it, the harder it is. Perhaps it's because in my heart I always knew, hoped, and believed that you'd be back. This is where you belonged, you were my family.
I watched you for years. I watched you grow, struggle, fail, succeed, wonder, and hope. I saw you make mistakes, I saw you learn. I saw you find a new path that had so much possibility for you. You were there at all of our family functions and you were just one of us. When you stopped being there, in my mind, I thought one day you'd be back. Now I sit here with tears in my eyes because what I was so sure of is not to be. You're gone.
I cry. I cry for you, for the life you didn't get to have. I cry for me because losing you makes my heart sad. I cry for your family as I can't imagine the pain that they have. I cry for your friends because they too have a hole, a void that can't be filled. I cry for my family because your passing has crushed us too. I cry because there are questions I have that I'll never know the answer to. I wonder where you landed on conversations we had, particularly on your salvation. Not knowing makes me cry, so I hope; I hope you made that decision.
When something was wrong, you called us. If you needed us you knew you could count on us, and us you. My doors will forever be the "doors that Kris hung" because that's the kind of guy that you were, willing to help. That's part of what made us family. Us not being blood, not having constant contact, not even the fact that we hadn't seen you in a while because of other reasons could change that. You were a part of us, and we were a part of you. You were our family, and us yours, you belonged.
That's what makes this so hard, because you were loved regardless of time, distance, or mistakes. That's what family is, people that love you; and you were loved by us. I hope that you knew that. So I sit here and cry, because I know that part of my family is gone. And it hurts.
I'll always remember the love, laughter, and memories you brought to our lives.You'll forever be our Krisy Kris. You'll forever be loved, and you'll forever be missed. My life was better having known you.
We love you Kris, you'll forever be in our hearts.
