When You Have No Words

As I sat there with you tonight, my heart broke. I listened to you and I tried to comprehend what you were saying. And I must admit, what you said struck a chord. Mainly because I'm guilty of believing it not to exist or maybe more so wanting to believe that it didn't. It's easy for me to sit back in my rural, predominately white community and think I have a clue. Our conversation proved just how much I have let the blinders of my rural life obscure.

I listened to you and I really had no words to give you. Sometimes that's alright because you just need a listening ear. But when we parted ways, my heart was heavy and I wished I'd have had the words. I don't have words for something I've never experienced, and honestly can't even pretend to understand.

I can't change the world or what happened to you. But what I can do, and what I promise  you, is that my children will be raised in such a way that your skin color won't matter. They will look and see you, the beautiful, gifted person that God made. They will see you for the person you are on the inside, not the color of your skin on the out. And they will love. They will love you for the beautiful person that you are. They won't judge you based on your race, they will judge you based on your character and even if they don't agree with you, they will treat you with respect. That I promise you. I promise you that because they will see it. I will model it. They will know that beauty, integrity, and worth is something that can't be judged from the outside.

I know this doesn't make what you are feeling better or easier. I know it can't erase the hurt that's been caused. I hope you know though, that not everyone is as narrow-minded and foolish as what you've encountered.

We've been led astray and we reap what we sow. I wrote these several months ago, but I feel the message is just as important today. What are we sowing? What are we teaching our children about the value of life? How are we showing that it's a person's skills that make them qualified, not their gender or skin color? It saddens me to think that someone I hold very dear to my heart has to try to explain to her children that to some, it does matter.

Call me idealistic. Call me out of touch. I'm ok with that. In my out of touch, idealistic world, I'll raise my children so that they don't have to listen to a friend and not have the words.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."     ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Yin Yang

Yin Yang: Two things that are seemingly different yet compliment each other to make it complete.

Have you ever looked at a couple and wondered how on earth it works because they appear to be so different? It kinda makes you wonder how they could possibly get along. The old saying that opposites attract must hold some degree of truth.

I've found the yin to my yang. Sometimes it makes me laugh at how different we are about certain things. Rob and I are a lot alike. We're both the first born and have the traits that most first born children do. We are both competitive (my sister bought us a card shuffler one year so that we would stop arguing over whether or not the other shuffled the cards good enough). We both think we have to be right. We both love sports (he a little more than myself). We both tend to be conservative thinkers. Yep, we're a lot alike, but we're also very different.

I'm a dreamer, he's pretty firmly planted on the ground. Which is good because Lord only knows how many houses, businesses, and children we would have if not for his more level head. He's my sounding board. I tend to feel and react. He makes me slow down and see the possible consequences to my path. Most major decisions I bounce off of him to make sure that I'm not going to regret it later. But me being a dreamer I like to think makes him see more of the possibility in life. We balance each other out like that.

Here's the other thing about him that always amazes me and makes me wonder how I got so lucky: he supports me without hesitation in everything I pursue.  I'm a perpetual seeker. I like to look for new opportunity all the time whether it's pursuing my education, house hunting, or dreaming of our next trip, he's got my back. He's sacrificed a ton so that I can pursue my crazy dreams (see the dreamer again), and he doesn't complain.

I often think that there's a reason that God put me in the position that I'm in and not him. There's no way I could wear the shoe. Nope, the first time you said something about my husband that I knew wasn't right, the fiery side of me would show in a heartbeat. Not him. He handles it all with grace and patience that I can't fathom. If it bothers him, you won't know.  Yin Yang.

The little things in life drive him crazy, but a huge disaster, he's got it under control. Me, I'm more of the let things go and life will be fine kind of person. I see the freedom in things, he sees the reason. I'm more of a glass half full person, he not so much. We need each other to be balanced and complete.

Yin yang: two seemingly opposite things that balance each other out. I think God knew what he was doing when he gave me Rob. I needed him, and I think he needed me. And when you've got a love like this, you've got it all!

Matthew 19:5-6