But I Want a Different Consequence!

Originally this blog was going to be called "Parenting At Its Best: A Maui-ism." However, a few days and an unexpected surgery later gave me a time to think things over and gain a new perspective.

Last week, Rob and I had been discussing with Maui the importance of keeping her attitude and sassiness in check. Now Maui is a good kid, but every once in a while, her sass gets the best of her (she may or may not get that honestly).  We had been over with her what was expected in her behavior and what the consequences were should she not meet those expectations. The next night, from a room away, I hear the sass coming through in her conversation with my mom. So I called her in, told her to brush her teeth and go to bed. Mind you this was the consequence that was explained to her the night before.

She brushes her teeth and goes to her room. Not three minutes later, the drama and bellowing begin. Imagine in your most overdramatic, bellowing, sobbing, seven year old voice through a closed door "Mooooom!!! Why can't I have a different consequence?" "I want a different house!" "I want a different consequence! MOOOOOOM!!" Well you get the idea of how this was going down. So being the good parent that I am, I let this continue for a while thinking ignoring it would help it subside. It lasted long enough that I had to go in there to calm her down so I could put the twins to bed.

Here's how that conversation went: "Maui you're going to have to calm down so that I can put the other kids to bed." "But Mom, (through hysterical sobs) why can't I have a different consequence? Why can't you just spank my butt or something?" As I try to maintain my composure, I explain that if she got to pick her consequence then it really wouldn't be a punishment and that's how consequences work. I explained that you know what's expected, and when you chose to do something outside of those expectations, then you have to deal with the consequences.

She eventually settles down and apologizes later in the evening. I pat myself on the back, thinking that this is parenting done right. You've found a way to get through to curtail an undesired behavior and found a punishment that she doesn't enjoy-- Good job Holly, you did it!

And that's where this was going to end. Then a few days of downtime was handed to me and I got to thinking...Thinking how often as an adult does that happen to me? How often do I make a choice and then try to negotiate a different consequence from the one that I got? More times than not, I know what the consequence will be before I act and yet I choose what makes me happy short term instead.

It's easy. It's in the small things and big things in life. How easy for us is it to skip tithing because we really wanted to do something else with that money? How easy is it for us to watch tv or play on our phone instead of spending time playing on the floor with our kids? How often do we let our emotions control what we say instead of being careful with our words because we know the easiest way to cut someone to the quick?

Just like our children, we know what's expected of us. We know the expectations that God has for us, particularly those of us that are Christ-followers. We know right from wrong. Yet many times we chose the instant gratification and then later are left saying "but I want a different consequence!"

Much like I try to instill values into my children and guide them down the right path, I've been taught the same lessons by my Heavenly Father. Too often I find myself asking for a different consequence. But just as I know that the consequences that I've given my child are shaping her, His consequences are shaping me. And that my friends is parenting done right.