What Surprised Me Most

When Rob and I decided to share our story via my last blog, the reactions surprised me.  Not that there was criticism because I knew there would be, but who the criticism came from. Our friends and family that should have been there to offer support instead became offended and embarrassed by Rob and I sharing our story. It was embarrassing to them. Strange right?  The other thing that surprised me was the assumption that I just spilled some deep dark secret with no regard to Rob. The bottom line is that Rob and I talked about this. We prayed about this. WE, catch that, WE decided to share our story.

It's offensive that the same people mentioned above would think that I don't have enough love or respect for my husband to not discuss something like this with him before just throwing it out there. If we'd have shared a story of alcoholism, the show of support would have been overwhelming. But because it was a topic that's so taboo, we instead became criticized. Again, I think that says a lot more about their hearts than it does ours, but regardless, it doesn't lessen the hurt. I have to wonder why that reaction though. Does it hit too close to home where examining needs to be done? Is it easier to sweep hard things under the rug and pretend as if they don't exist? Hiding behind closed doors and not addressing problems doesn't solve anything. Bringing light to difficult topics does. If you don't know it's wrong or a problem, you don't address it, but when it becomes a problem in your marriage, it has to be addressed.  Lies don't solves themselves, secrets don't reveal the truth, pretending that something doesn't exist doesn't make it any less true. Healing comes from addressing issues head on, and that's what WE have chosen to do.

When I shared my secret in She Gave Me Courage, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support. I felt honored that other victims chose to confide in me and found strength in knowing that they weren't alone. Some of our same family and friends showed much love for me during that time, that's why I'm so confused. Confused that they can't see the bravery in us sharing this secret that we've struggled with for years. Surprised that they can't and didn't offer love and support in the same way. So many strangers and people that we know at a casual level offered love and support, but not those that should have been on the front lines, and that's what surprised me most.

There were people that found comfort in knowing that they weren't alone on both sides of the spectrum in our sharing. So to us sharing our story is and was worth it. Knowing that we were and are able to comfort others helps our healing too.  The Bible reminds us that "we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:4b-5).  God gives us comfort and we are able to comfort others from what we've learned in our journey. We become capable through our successes in the face of struggle.  We all have our own ways of healing and knowing that others can heal and learn from our struggles helps us.

We have learned and continue to learn and grow through this process. Though the reactions of some disappointed me, not one part of me regrets sharing this journey. I truly believe that the only way to bring healing is to bring something to light; to have open and honest conversations, even the hard ones. To assess where we are and how to get better. We can't do that by hiding behind closed doors. We're learning a lot, but hopefully someone else is also.

I'll leave you with a quote a friend shared with me:
Only God can turn
a MESS into a message,
a TEST into a testimony,
a TRIAL into a triumph,
a VICTIM into a victory.