It Takes Work

A while back I read an article by a woman that had been married a little less than a year. In this article, she stated that she didn't believe that marriage was hard work because it's not hard work waking up to the person that she loves. I'll give her that. That part of it is easy.  However, I think she's wrong; marriage is hard work.

I don't say that in the "I hate school because it's hard work" kind of way. I say that in the way that like most things that you work hard at, you appreciate it, it's important to you, and it's valuable because you do work hard at it. Even athletes with natural, God-given talent work hard. That's what makes them succeed.  The same holds true for marriage.

Now I don't proclaim to be a marriage expert. In fact, I'm far from it. My marriage has had it's share of ups and downs. But what I've learned in my eleven years of marriage is that if I want this marriage to work, I have to work at it.  When we were first married, I don't think either of us realized how true this was, but we quickly learned. In fact, I'm willing to say I was foolish in my expectations.

When we went from it being "my" money to it being "our" money, it took work. We worked to figure out what we wanted to do with it, what was important to us. We learned we had to communicate with each other. We worked at it and honestly we still work at it. There are times that I think something is more important than he does and vice-versa.

We've learned through hard times, we've learned through good times. In order to learn, we had to work through things. We've worked through hurt and mistrust. We've worked through new jobs, promotions that we were passed over for, going back to school. We've worked through opposite shifts. That one was really hard for us. We're a couple that distance causes us to fight. So the more we're apart, the easier it is for us to nit pick each other when we're together. It takes hard work for us to refocus on what's important.

We choose to love each other through the good and the bad. We've went through many seasons with each other. We went from being just the two of us to parents of four. We're working through this learning to parent thing together.  We've worked to make time for each other, and at times it's hard.

We've worked through  the loss of  loved ones together. Through disappointments, through new friends and losing friends. Through new churches, new dreams, new hopes. We've been through times of uncertainty, awaiting test results. We've seen our family hurt and those we care about hurt.

Yes, being with the one that I love and waking up next to him isn't hard work, it's one of this life's greatest blessings and I thank God for my husband every day.  As two separate people, learning to be together as one is hard because you are just that, two individuals. We choose to work hard at our marriage, some days it comes easy and doesn't seem like work, some days it's really hard.  These hard lessons, the ones that make us work a little harder, make us appreciate each other more.

Just like that Olympic athlete, we've worked hard to get where we are. We cherish the success of our marriage like a gold medalist does his/her success. In order to do something right, you have to work at it. In order to succeed, we tell our kids you have to work hard. I believe the same is true in marriage. If you treasure it, you work hard at it.


For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" Matthew 6:21