Beachin' It

I have a love for the ocean. Next to the middle of nowhere in the country, it's where I want to be. I seriously love it all, down to the sand that somehow makes it into your bed regardless of how clean you are. So when the kids began mentioning wanting to go to the beach, we decided for our family vacation, the beach is where we would go.

I was a little nervous about the car ride and the sleeping in an unfamiliar environment with the kids, but they were fantastic from the word go.  They'd been looking forward to our trip for months, and their excitement showed! I'll never forget the smiles and squeals of delight when they caught their first glimpse of the ocean when we rolled into town.

The trip exceeded my hopes and expectations. Everyone was so good and enjoyed every second of it. It was exactly what family vacations are supposed to be, relaxing, fun, and time to just soak it all in.

I watched my babies go from being the timid little girls swimming at home, to fearless jump into the deep end of the pool girls.  Aspen mastered the running jump "like Maui."

They giggled as they buried each other in the sand.  Oohed and awed at surprise fireworks from our balcony. Ran with glee as the waves chased them in. Maui loved trying to surf the waves. They built sandcastles, one of the favorites was late night building. They decided we weren't coming home and that everyone could come visit us at "our beach house" (I think they enjoyed themselves)!

Rob and I got to soak it all in. We got to enjoy the giggles, the laughter, and the fun without all of the distractions. It's the little things that we often get too busy in the everyday hustle and bustle and don't slow down enough to enjoy.  But there's something so freeing about saying yes to things that you'd normally say no to because there's nothing stopping you. Yes, you can play in the foam party bubbles and sand before we sit down for dinner. Yes, you can have sno-cones as we head up for lunch.  Because it's those little things that bring out the inner-child in us all. It's fun playing in the sand. It's fun finding just the right shell for your castle. It makes for great stories and laughter when there's a fake crab on the beach that scares you half to death. It does a heart good. It's in those little things you find joy and memories that last a lifetime.

Watching our girls be carefree kids. Watching them grow. Watching them love with abandon. Watching them be the beautiful people God made them to be and realizing every single second how blessed I am to get to be a part of it.  Making memories with the ones that fill my cup up and over, that's the best part of beachin' it.

Wildflowers

Today was a challenging day. Not in a bad way, just in an it didn't go as I'd planned way. Frustration was mounting and almost pulled the day down into a spiral. Then, I slowed down and I saw it, the beauty of the moment. The beauty of just letting you be. Not you conforming to the idea of how I wanted you to be or act, but the beauty of you just being you.

So often it's easy to overlook that you are just trying to learn who you are and who you're meant to be. I'm so busy trying to keep you in a box, that I forget to let you be the wildflower that you are; that you're meant to be. When I actually let myself slow down and take it, I get to see it:

• You jumping over mole hills as you run anxiously toward your day (oh how I hope you never stop jumping over every mole hill in your life, treating them as just that, a mole hill, not a mountain in your way)
• You knowing, dressing, and believing that you are in fact a beautiful princess, but not letting that stop you from knowing you can take on anything and kick butt like a ninja
  
• Your determination to get where you want to go and fighting for it because it's something you believe in
• You skipping along the way without a care in the world
• Stopping whatever you're doing to check out the ladybugs as they crawl on the ground and marvel in their existence
• How quickly you're growing because I know one day your y's will be the l's that they're meant to be and you'll no longer need to sit on my "yap." And your p's will turn into f's and you'll want to tickle my feet instead of my "peet"
• You've gone from wanting me to read you our favorite book to me reading the first chapter of a "romance" novel you're writing
• You've grown from me picking out your clothes to being able to zip your own coat because "I can do it"

That's when I see it. I see that though I'm exhausted and feel like I'm not good enough to be your mommy at times, you inspire me. You inspire me and make me appreciate how blessed I am to soak in these moments if I just let myself.

You allow me to see that you live a life to be envied in the most awe-inspiring way. You're filled with hope, dreams, carefree determination, love and the belief that all is good. And though some days are exhausting and I wonder why I try, if I slow down and watch you, I get it. I get to see the joy and love of a life well lived and loved. 

You're wildflowers, you're not made to stay within the wall of a flower box that I've designed. So I'll watch you grow wild and free, because that's who you are and where you need to be. And though my heart may cry sometimes, I see the beauty in the wild and in you my sweet, sweet child.

My Two Cents

As I sit and observe the chaos that surrounds us following the latest attack on yet another school, my heart is saddened, angered, cynical, and hopeful. My heart breaks for the lives lost and the countless others that are forever altered because of someone else's selfish actions. Generally, I don't watch the news. When I became a mother, the constant negativity and constant fear mongering was too much. I know just enough to get by without wanting to move my children and husband into a bubble and never come out. It infuriates me to watch the loss of life become a playground for political agendas. Yet after every single tragedy, the same political lines are drawn and rather than fighting for a solution, we fight each other; leaving us no better off than we were before the horrific occurrence.

I've seen students march to the capitol for gun control. I'm watching the most powerful people in our government listening more to what children are saying than adults. I'm watching adults act like children in the wake of tragedy. With the movement from students on guns, there's talk of lowering the voting age, all while talking of raising the age to buy a gun and purchase tobacco. Does this seem insane to anyone but me?

Let me get this straight: you are not old enough or responsible enough to vote or serve in our armed forces until you are eighteen years of age. You are not old enough or responsible enough to purchase and use alcohol until twenty-one years of age. There are proposals to up the age considered responsible enough to use tobacco to twenty-one as well as to purchase a gun. Yet we think we should let children barely old enough to drive determine the leaders of our nation. What am I missing?

Do I think we should be able to own guns. Yes. Our country was founded on principles that included our rights to bear arms. Do I think that as a private citizen I need an assault rifle, probably not so much. Do I think that legislating tighter reforms for law abiding citizens to purchase and own a gun is going to prevent and solve the problem of mass shootings? Nope, not a chance. Here's why: you can't legislate morality. You can't put enough laws into place to prevent people from making choices good or bad. You can make it more difficult for law abiding citizens to purchase guns, but that's not going to stop the criminals from getting them. Trust me, if they want them bad enough, they'll find them. Laws don't matter to them. If they did, the fear of the repercussions from their actions would be enough to prevent it, but it doesn't.

It's all a matter of how much you want to buy into the brainwashing the media does. Pretend like it doesn't happen, but fear and hot topics are what drive the media. A school or work place act of violence provides the perfect playground for them to feast.

The cry for mental health funding and services is constant. Yes, these services are vital. Perhaps some things could be prevented if there were more funding for these services. Perhaps the billions of dollars that politicians spend slandering one another could find better use being filtered there. There's a novel concept.

It's a sad fact in this day and age that electronics have made it so easy for people to detach from reality. Video games, virtual realities, social media have essentially wrecked the family unit. More and more studies are finding a link between depression and suicide with electronics and online usage. Isn't it about time we take back our kids? Isn't it about time we took back our families? We're becoming weaker and weaker buying exactly what is fed to us via the internet, not seeing what's dissipating right in front of us. Studies show strong family connections reduce depression and suicide which in turn reduces the likelihood of violence.

People it's time we wake up. Let's restore our hope. Let's restore our future. Stand up to the mindless fear that is being fed to make you conform. Find your strength. Find your courage. Don't sacrifice what so many fought so hard for because of fear. That's my two cents.

It's Been A BIG Year!

Historically kicking off a new year brings hope and goals for the year, 2017 started out a bit different for us.  We started off the year celebrating Aspen and Afton turning two (though they weren't huge fans of their outfits hence the lack of a cute photo). We also found ourselves in a new church. This church would be exactly what we needed at exactly the right time.

See our 2017 started out strained.  We were without a church home and it showed. We were struggling in our marriage and Satan was picking away at any weakness he could find. Thankfully, our God is bigger and we landed in a church that would help get us through some of the tough days ahead. I could feel God saying "It's Me and Her" and we're all going to make it through this.

February brought the toughest days we'd seen in a long time. Valentine's day in itself isn't anything special to me, but the date February 14th is. Way back when in 2003 it was the date of the first date Rob and I went on. Strangely enough, it is also the day that it felt like our world was crashing down in 2017. We shared the straw that almost broke the camel's back in When You Let Your Guard Down. From there we had a choice to make, it would either define us or we could choose to keep fighting for what was important to us, US. We made the choice of us. The choice that started fourteen years ago. Thankfully we found our church home, Net Community, that helped us recenter God and our marriage. It wasn't easy, but through that I learned to let go. I learned to let go of a lot, and I tried to let it shine through to my parenting as well. More messes, more fun, (the laughter is totally worth most of the messes).

Those choices changed the course for the year and what would have normally been the hope of a new year, came a quarter of the way through. March brought Maui's 9th birthday.  We remembered how to dance in the rain and find the joy that comes through the raindrops. 

Some of us got (or gave) ourselves new haircuts (good-bye sweet baby curls).

In May, Rob and I took a trip to Mexico. We spent our time reconnecting and remembering how good we really have it. We remembered how important all the small things in life are because they really are what makes our life so great.

We spent the rest of the summer making memories with our kids. Playing at the park, eating ice cream way more than we probably should have, and laughing.

We got to experience some of the best gifts throughout our summer with our family. Maui went away to church camp for the first time and had a blast making new friends, though it was hard for me to believe she was old enough to go.

August brought a new school year. Maui began 4th grade at Beckemeyer, it was a big change for her, but she's adjusted well and is enjoying her new school. Brylynn began Pre-k this fall. I can't believe my sweet little girl is big enough for school, but she absolutely loves it and looks forward to it every day!

Now my babies are asking when they can go to school too...not yet, mama isn't quite ready!

Fall was marked with soccer and football. We've really come to love the fall season as a family. November was a whirlwind. We celebrated Bry's 4th birthday!

Over the years, we've continuously looked for houses that were big enough for our ever growing family. Nothing ever seemed right. This year we were yet again reminded that God's timing is perfect when we bought our forever home and said good-bye to the home that had been our first together. We were moving on and our realtor deserves some sort of award for dealing with us for the last eight years (Brandi Lentz)! On November 1, 2017 we closed on our forever home and couldn't be happier!

I had the honor of being sworn in as the Vice President of the Illinois Association of Court Clerks in November.

We also got Kevin the cat. For a cat, he's a pretty alright guy and has weaseled his way into our hearts and home. Thankfully, he and Tanner get along pretty well!

December brought us to our favorite holiday family traditions , memories, and celebrations in our new home.

We welcomed a new member to our family, our niece, Emilynn Grace Lemons!

We had the twins' 3rd birthday party (a little early) and a New Year's Eve party the same day to extend our time with family and friends!

 

It's been a big year. It's had ups and downs. It's seen tears of sorrow, laughter, and joy. Mostly, it's seen the beauty of love and a great reminder: 

Here's to 2018!

Christmas Memories

What is it about the Christmas season that is so magical? As a child I remember the excitement as we put our tree up. My mom had a knack for making the whole house feel like Christmas. I loved the way our house looked after mom was done working her magic. One of my favorite trees from my childhood she had decorated in little white lambs. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed that tree with the train tracks going around the bottom until this year as my kids were decorating our tree.  I had in my box of ornaments one of the little white lambs, it landed towards the top of our tree, and made me smile.

I remember the excitement of Christmas morning, tiptoeing down the stairs to peak around the banister to see if Santa came then running up to wake up mom and dad way before the morning would have normally began.  We would gather around the tree with excitement opening presents.  Then we’d wait for dad to take his life-sized stocking down and open his gifts, he was always the last one. Afterwards, we’d eat a breakfast feast before heading out to celebrate with our extended family.

Each side of the family has something that always stood out. On my mom’s side I remember the delicious food my grandma would make, her sugar cookies and pies are still to this day the best.  We’d all head back to the family room and sit cross legged on the floor going around the room opening presents.  On my dad’s side, I think of the games we’d play, spoons being the crowd favorite. I think I still have a scar from a serious game one Christmas. The one thing I could always count on from my grandparents’ stockings was an orange being in the toe of it. I remember the laughter and the smiles and the love that filled the rooms on both sides of my family.

When I think of Christmas memories, one of my most vivid is our family trips to look at the Woburn Christmas lights. I remember how excited we were to load up in the car and walk through to look at all the different displays. That was and is one of my favorite memories from my childhood. Perhaps that’s why I wanted to make sure it was a tradition that I carried on with my own children.  Now I love watching them run from box to box “ohhing” and “awwing” with excitement. I hope that it is a memory that lives on in them.

We've created our own Lemons family traditions that we look forward to every year.  We do an annual gingerbread house and I enjoy watching the kids try to work together on the design. We have an advent calendar of sorts, it's a box that I fill with either activities for us to do or chocolates. We've tried a few things that I'm not sure will continue, like making salt dough ornaments, but that I hope the girls remember the experience of and smile.  I hope they remember the laughter and fun we had with each one, successful or not. Who knows, maybe some day one of these will be something they choose to pass down to their children.

In my mind, I always imagined that’s what my kids would experience: bounding downstairs to see if Santa came, ripping open presents with anticipation, and then sitting together for a big breakfast before we were off to see the rest of our family. I imagined our evenings would be filled with the love and laughter of our extended family.  I spend each year hoping that the memories that they’re putting in their memory bank are some that they too can’t wait to pass down to their children when the time comes.  Mostly, I hope that my children never forget the reason we get to share this love and season, Jesus.

Moving On

I sit here and the number of boxes around me continues to grow. Cabinets become empty, trips to resale stores and donations are winding down, dumpsters have been rolled away. It's becoming very real that we're moving.

It's a move we're excited for and have waited a long time for. We've finally found a house in the country and it will be our forever home. But there's something about sitting among all these boxes that makes me sad.

This was our first house together. This is the house we brought each one of our girls home to as their first home. I can still see vividly each spot where we sat them when we arrived home and wondered what to do next. I know each place where they took their first steps. It's been a house of firsts.

I know that it's a house and that a home is what you make it. But for thirteen years, this has been our home. We went from newly weds trying to figure out how to make it all work to a family of six in this house. The walls of this house know stories of success and failure, laughter and tears. This house has celebrated birthdays, graduations, jobs. It's where we've cried tears of loss and tears of joy. Most of all, they've seen lives of love.

We've poured our hearts into this house to make it our own. We've changed windows, floors, and doors, remodeled bathrooms, finished the basement, gutted and remodeled the kitchen/dining/laundry rooms (eight months pregnant with twins doing dishes in a bathtub...yikes!). We made this house our home.

Now it's time to say goodbye.  And for whatever reason, no matter how excited about something you are, goodbyes are hard. I know we'll move and have a whole new series of firsts in our new home, but there's something terribly hard about leaving the home that so many firsts for your family happened.

Perhaps that's it, in this house, we became a family and this house became our home. For that I'll always be thankful and I'll always love this house. We grew up here, Rob and I. We made our family here. We built our life here. So goodbye is hard because I see how far we've come.

Thanks for the lifetime of memories. You'll always hold a piece of my heart and bring a smile to my face. Goodbye 70 Greenbriar Drive.

I Kinda Hope Some Things Never Change

There are moments that make me smile not because there's something extremely special about them to the average person, but because it's one of the little things that I hope never fades.  The little voices and mannerisms that each of my girls have that I know one day will just stop. They're the things that I love.

Maui, I kinda hope you never stop calling me mama. I hope that you never stop wanting to hold my hand. I kinda hope that you never stop claiming that snuggling with me is one of your favorite parts of the day. I kinda hope that you never stop trying to get me to let you create a new club or fundraiser idea. I hope you never lose that giver's heart.

Brylynn, I kinda hope that you never lose how matter of fact you are about everything. I kinda hope that you mispronounce oatmeal (oapmeal), pancakes (panacakes), and medicine (medisuline) forever. I hope that you never lose how expressive your face is because it cracks me up even at times it shouldn't. "I just need a hug" is something I kinda hope you never stop telling me

Aspen, I kinda hope that you never stop putting your little finger to the side of your mouth when you're contemplating things. I kinda hope that you never stop convincing me with your head shakes when you're telling me something. I hope that you never stop singing with your arms wide open and dancing through a room like you're on stage.

Afton, I kinda hope that you never stop asking "what's that?" as you point to things.  I kinda hope you never stop asking me "where we going mom?" though I've told you a dozen times every time we get into the car. I kinda hope you never lose that look that is beyond serious and how animated you are with your hands as you're telling me something whether I understand it or not.

I kinda hope Aspen and Afton, that you never stop saying "hold you me" so I can never stop saying "hold me you."

I kinda hope that the four of you never stop howling together. Though the high pitched sound of the four of you going "aaa-owwwww" together can be a bit much, it's something that means something to you as sisters. I hope you never outgrow playing "in the twins' room" because the giggles that come from there are by far one of the best sounds I hear in a day.

I kinda hope that you each continue to want me to rock you and sing to you each night. I kinda hope you never stop telling me your favorite parts of your day. I hope we never stop saying "our I'll's" and praying together every night.

Selfishly, I kinda hope you never grow up. I know one day you'll outgrow a lot of this; words will become clearer, I'll become just mom instead of mama or mommy and just like you'll outgrow your princess dresses, you'll outgrow some of my favorite things. Those are the things written on my mama heart. It's the sweet sound of your little feet running down the hallway. It's the sound of hearing "mama's home" with squeals of delight as you come running toward me. It's the trying to stay quiet giggles you have when you're trying to hide from daddy when you see him coming home.

Yes, I kinda hope some things never change because these are the things that take my breath away and make my heart fill with happiness. I kinda hope I never forget how blessed these little things make me feel.

I love you my sweet girls 💓