Moving On

I sit here and the number of boxes around me continues to grow. Cabinets become empty, trips to resale stores and donations are winding down, dumpsters have been rolled away. It's becoming very real that we're moving.

It's a move we're excited for and have waited a long time for. We've finally found a house in the country and it will be our forever home. But there's something about sitting among all these boxes that makes me sad.

This was our first house together. This is the house we brought each one of our girls home to as their first home. I can still see vividly each spot where we sat them when we arrived home and wondered what to do next. I know each place where they took their first steps. It's been a house of firsts.

I know that it's a house and that a home is what you make it. But for thirteen years, this has been our home. We went from newly weds trying to figure out how to make it all work to a family of six in this house. The walls of this house know stories of success and failure, laughter and tears. This house has celebrated birthdays, graduations, jobs. It's where we've cried tears of loss and tears of joy. Most of all, they've seen lives of love.

We've poured our hearts into this house to make it our own. We've changed windows, floors, and doors, remodeled bathrooms, finished the basement, gutted and remodeled the kitchen/dining/laundry rooms (eight months pregnant with twins doing dishes in a bathtub...yikes!). We made this house our home.

Now it's time to say goodbye.  And for whatever reason, no matter how excited about something you are, goodbyes are hard. I know we'll move and have a whole new series of firsts in our new home, but there's something terribly hard about leaving the home that so many firsts for your family happened.

Perhaps that's it, in this house, we became a family and this house became our home. For that I'll always be thankful and I'll always love this house. We grew up here, Rob and I. We made our family here. We built our life here. So goodbye is hard because I see how far we've come.

Thanks for the lifetime of memories. You'll always hold a piece of my heart and bring a smile to my face. Goodbye 70 Greenbriar Drive.

I Kinda Hope Some Things Never Change

There are moments that make me smile not because there's something extremely special about them to the average person, but because it's one of the little things that I hope never fades.  The little voices and mannerisms that each of my girls have that I know one day will just stop. They're the things that I love.

Maui, I kinda hope you never stop calling me mama. I hope that you never stop wanting to hold my hand. I kinda hope that you never stop claiming that snuggling with me is one of your favorite parts of the day. I kinda hope that you never stop trying to get me to let you create a new club or fundraiser idea. I hope you never lose that giver's heart.

Brylynn, I kinda hope that you never lose how matter of fact you are about everything. I kinda hope that you mispronounce oatmeal (oapmeal), pancakes (panacakes), and medicine (medisuline) forever. I hope that you never lose how expressive your face is because it cracks me up even at times it shouldn't. "I just need a hug" is something I kinda hope you never stop telling me

Aspen, I kinda hope that you never stop putting your little finger to the side of your mouth when you're contemplating things. I kinda hope that you never stop convincing me with your head shakes when you're telling me something. I hope that you never stop singing with your arms wide open and dancing through a room like you're on stage.

Afton, I kinda hope that you never stop asking "what's that?" as you point to things.  I kinda hope you never stop asking me "where we going mom?" though I've told you a dozen times every time we get into the car. I kinda hope you never lose that look that is beyond serious and how animated you are with your hands as you're telling me something whether I understand it or not.

I kinda hope Aspen and Afton, that you never stop saying "hold you me" so I can never stop saying "hold me you."

I kinda hope that the four of you never stop howling together. Though the high pitched sound of the four of you going "aaa-owwwww" together can be a bit much, it's something that means something to you as sisters. I hope you never outgrow playing "in the twins' room" because the giggles that come from there are by far one of the best sounds I hear in a day.

I kinda hope that you each continue to want me to rock you and sing to you each night. I kinda hope you never stop telling me your favorite parts of your day. I hope we never stop saying "our I'll's" and praying together every night.

Selfishly, I kinda hope you never grow up. I know one day you'll outgrow a lot of this; words will become clearer, I'll become just mom instead of mama or mommy and just like you'll outgrow your princess dresses, you'll outgrow some of my favorite things. Those are the things written on my mama heart. It's the sweet sound of your little feet running down the hallway. It's the sound of hearing "mama's home" with squeals of delight as you come running toward me. It's the trying to stay quiet giggles you have when you're trying to hide from daddy when you see him coming home.

Yes, I kinda hope some things never change because these are the things that take my breath away and make my heart fill with happiness. I kinda hope I never forget how blessed these little things make me feel.

I love you my sweet girls 💓

The Best Gifts

Over the years, I've tried to find the perfect gift for someone.  On special occasions, we always look for the right gift. When we have kids, people always ask what to get them for their birthdays and Christmas. These gestures are always meant with good intentions and on the day received, greeted with appreciation.

When Rob and I began having kids, we of course wanted to give them more than what we had. We want more and better for them as all parents do for their children. When Maui was an only child, the amount of toys and books she had was overwhelming. We spoiled her as did many others in her life with material things. However, as she grew, we realized that that's not the message we wanted to send to her. Lucky for us, she's a generous kid and saw the value in our shift. She began wanting donations for animal shelters, schools in Africa, Operation Christmas Child, etc. instead of things. We were blessed that she saw a bigger picture once we started showing her that there was more to this life than just her. We're working on doing better with the younger three by teaching them that much earlier in life.

Overall, our family has been great at grasping this concept and helping us teach our children that it's not the number of things that you have in this life that matters. We want to be able to help others. We want to enjoy time with each other. Those are some of the best gifts. This past year for Christmas, the girls received some pretty great gifts. They were given gifts of time and experiences.  These gifts will go on lots longer than the lost shoe of a Barbie doll.

The other day we took advantage of one of the experiences the girls were given for Christmas, we went to Knight's Action Park. Honestly it was pretty close to a perfect day. My girls absolutely loved the water. They amazed me with their courage and warmed me with their smiles. As we sat on the ground to have our sack lunch, Maui said how nice it was to sit together and just enjoy visiting and I couldn't agree with her more. We had ice cream on the way home and I sat thinking that I hope they always enjoy that treat with their whole bodies.

We went to the zoo a few weeks ago because another great gift the girls received was to become zoo members. I soaked up the minutes of watching the girls run from each monkey exhibit to the next.  I was sure that they would be terrified of them, but they weren't, they loved them. I loved watching each of their personalities shine picking out the animal they wanted to ride on the carousel (Afton chose to be held, she wasn't impressed by the idea). They cracked me up as we went to the splash pad in the Children's Zoo. Brylynn and Aspen dove in head first. Afton wasn't sure and it took her a good ten minutes of running in and out before she decided that she was all in and then didn't want to leave.

The best gifts in life don't have a price tag. The best gifts in life are those in which we're surrounded by those we love. The moments in time that create happiness that lasts long after the day is over. It's being surrounded by those that fill your cup up and over. The best gifts in life are the experiences that we have and the absolute choice we have to make those moments the ones that take our breath away years down the road.

Every day may not go as we've had planed, but we can still chose what it is that we remember and what experiences we chose to take away from them. We went camping with my dad, step mom, grandma, sister, step brother and a gaggle of our kids. The twins absolutely were not fans of our arrangements. It was hard and they made a trip home a day early. But what I remember from that trip isn't how awful that part was, I remember how brave Afton was as she decided to take on the river current to swim to Rob. I remember how happy Aspen was sitting on the shoreline, stark nude, playing with Lori. I remember watching Brylynn dance with my grandma in the water. I remember watching my dad play with his grandkids and watching Maui and Jackson run down the shoreline.

Some gifts are as simple as baking cookies with your grandma and hearing old stories or an adventure down new trails with your sisters. I've talked before about reconnecting, but it's as equally important to be present in the everyday moments in life. God's given us the best gifts in life, first, His Son. Secondly, the opportunity to experience this life with the ones we love and enjoy the time that we're given with them.  I intend to spend my life doing just that because even on my not so shiny days, I'm blessed beyond what I deserve.

Reconnecting

Life can be a bit crazy. In my world, some days are a lot crazy. Rob decided that he and I needed a getaway, so he booked us a trip to Mexico. Sun, fun, just adult time? Sold! So Rob arranged for child care for all the kiddos (thanks to our amazing family), and away we went.

I'll admit, I was a little nervous. Not nervous for the trip, but rather nervous for he and I. Our lives and conversations generally seem to revolve around the kids and work because we work different schedules; it sometimes seems like a briefing/debriefing of the day. Would we have anything to talk about for five whole days without those things coming into play? It'd been a good long while since we'd had that many days alone without any other factors of life driving our world.

Before dawn on a Friday morning, we left our house and headed south of the boarder. Days seemed to fly, but never seemed rushed. We enjoyed the beach. We went zip-lining, atving, and swimming in cenotes. We went downtown Playa and enjoyed the street life. We ate, we swam, we played cards. We enjoyed each other.

My fear of having little to talk about was a non-factor. Here's what I learned: we are still the same head over heels couple that we were fourteen years ago when we started dated. We still make each other laugh. We still love holding hands and kissing like it's the first time we've ever done such a thing. We laughed, we loved, we reconnected. Fourteen years later, I still get butterflies and smile when I think about it.

We're not perfect.  We face struggles and battle through them. But here's what's great, we're here. That for better or for worse thing, it's real. Some times we just need a little getaway to reconnect and remind us of where we started and how much we don't ever want to lose that. How lucky am I that I have a man that sees the same things?

Speaking of reconnecting, the annual Hopwood kids sibling weekend happened. Maui asked me why we have a sibling weekend. I originally told her it was because we like hanging out and that I hope she and her sisters do that when they're older.  Then I got to thinking about the real reason we get together. I think it's for similar reasons as the trip Rob and I took.  It's because life gets busy and we don't make time for each other in the ways that we want to or should.  So for us, sibling weekend gives us a chance to catch up, to laugh, to reminisce, and make new memories.

This year we didn't go far. We hit the Tim McGraw and Faith Hill concert in Des Moines. And while the concert was great, it wasn't my favorite part of the weekend. No, my favorite parts happened before and after.  The memories of sitting around the fire pit laughing way past my bedtime. That of five adults squeezing into one very tiny money booth and thinking we'd hit the jackpot (we collected $45 between the five of us). The awful service at the restaurant after the concert that made me realize how seriously we all take our food. That to me was what the weekend was all about.

In this life, we can't be certain of much. Yet this I'm certain of: reconnecting with those we love is never time wasted, it's time gained.

Speak Life

Over the last month I've had several encounters that really encouraged me. These events coupled with a song that I love, Speak Life, made me wonder what would happen if we all chose to speak words of life. 

Over Mother's Day I wasn't home, I was in Mexico with Rob for a little getaway. The day that we came home we picked Maui up from school. I could see her in the car line holding flowers.  Now these weren't just flowers that she picked out of the school yard, they looked like they'd come from a flower shop. She was so excited to give them to me for Mother's Day and the look of excitement on her face as she gave them to me was priceless. But here's the thing that really got me about this: when I asked her where she got the flowers, she said the trash. Here's where my heart REALLY began to smile. My Maui girl she's got this heart that sees beauty in everything. She said "mama some of the teachers threw away the flowers that they got because they started to die, but they weren't all dead. So I found the pretty ones for you." I've never had someone choose  to dig through the garbage for me, but this little girl did because she wanted to give me something beautiful when I came back. The flowers sat in a vase on my counter until there was no life left in them, but through them, she spoke life. 

A couple of weeks later I had taken the three younger girls grocery shopping with me. They had been excellent. As I as was bagging the groceries, Brylynn reminded me that we'd forgotten to get Goldfish. I told her we'd have to get them next time and I reminded her that I had a snack for them in the car when we were finished.  A lady had overheard our exchange and came over and asked if my girls could have Goldfish. I told her that they were fine and she didn't need to do that. She again asked if it was ok. I agreed. She told my girls how good they'd been and she knew how hard it was to be patient and good while waiting for mommy to finish. Each of my girls looked like they were on cloud nine because this nice stranger acknowledged the good in them. She spoke life not only to my girls, but to me through her kindness.

My Brylynn had a doctor's appointment a week or so later. Afterwards she and I stopped at Popeye's for a late lunch. As I was cleaning up our table a very polite young man told me I had a beautiful smile as he smiled back at me. Hearing that, I thanked him and found myself smiling more. It was a genuine unexpected compliment that had a lasting effect. Have you ever noticed that smiling is contagious?  He spoke words of life not only to me that day, but to others because his words had a chain reaction.

Speaking life isn't something that we do easily.  I'm not sure why we've made it difficult. Finding the good in one another and searching for the silver lining in all situations shouldn't be as low on the list as we've let it become.  Our words and actions have the power to lift each other up.  We have the ability to speak life into each other.  How much better would this world be if even once a day we chose to be the voice that spoke life?

Know Your Value

Recently I attended a conference and one of the sessions I attended was Talking To Your Kids About Sex. I had so many great takeaways from that session. There was a statistic that stuck with me that I've rolled over and over in my mind. It disturbs me and I can't quite come to terms with it. Here it is: 81% of female college freshman at Stanford felt that if they went on a date and one hundred dollars or more was spent, then they owed the person that took them on a date something sexually.

OWED. My mind was absolutely blown. There are so many soapboxes I can get on with this thought and since it's my blog, I'm going to hit most of them.

How on earth does a young girl, who is obviously intelligent based on the fact that she's attending Stanford, not recognize her value is FAR more that a measly hundred bucks?  As a society we have failed. We have failed miserably if we think that it's acceptable for a girl to think she owes someone some sexual favor because money was spent.  What are we saying to our children? As parents, family, friends, teachers, pastors, brothers, sisters, and any other roll you may possibly play in a child's life we are not instilling the value of self-worth. Something tells me that this number isn't exclusive to Stanford.

It's got me fired up. If I do nothing else as a parent, my children will know their value. And you can bet your bottom dollar that it ain't gonna be no hundred bucks. Women have fought too long and too hard to become the strong, progressive, and independent people we are.  The struggle was not for women to be treated as simple sex objects and suppressed. How on earth are we going to accept the notion that our sexual values have a minimal price tag? I can't and I won't.

Here's what I'm saying: NO. Not just no, but hell no. You will know your value. You will know that you are worth far more than one hundred dollars.   In fact, I don't care how much money there is, you are worth more. You are invaluable and you will not lower yourself to the sub-par standards this world has set. This is why: you have value that cannot be set by man. You are a child of God. You are loved. You are strong, intelligent, driven, and beautiful. You will not allow yourself to be made to feel as if you owe someone something sexually or otherwise because you know your value. You know right and wrong, and odds are that you know one hundred bucks isn't where you draw your line for right.

Sweet girl, nothing is owed to anyone simply because you were taken on a date regardless of the dollar amount spent. What is owed to the young man taking you on a date is exactly what's owed to you: RESPECT. With respect comes boundaries and you get to set those boundaries for yourself, no dollar amount should do that for you. I don't care if ten thousand dollars is spent on a date, that's a choice that he made within his boundaries, yours are not predicated by his actions.

So here's the deal. Whether you are my daughter, my friend, my friend's kid, or a stranger on the street, you're worth more. So much more.  Know you're value. Know that you are far better than one measly date regardless of the price tag on it. Truth be told, if the guy that took you is worth anything, he won't expect anything sexual in return. If he does, that should tell you a lot about him really quick. There's more to you than sex. You have dreams, goals, ambitions and anyone that wants anything sexual from you needs to care about those things far more than the dinner tab. Don't sell out. Don't sell yourself short.

Parents, can we come together and teach our kids that they are worth more than this world is telling them? Can we teach them that they are loved and valued far beyond their flesh? Let's start when they're little by showing them love and positive attention so they don't grow up seeking any kind of attention and mistake it for love. If your kids are older, it's not too late to fess up to our short-comings and help them see that though we may have fallen short early on in expressing it, they are valuable. Let's talk to them about sex so that the world isn't teaching them about it. Let's teach them that there's more to love than just lust. Let's teach them not to objectify the opposite sex. Let's teach them to hold out for someone that loves all of them, not just the physical part of them.  Can we work really hard to do this whether you have sons or daughters? Because I don't know about you, but I know my girls are worth far more than what this world's telling them and I don't want them to settle for anything...EVER.

And Just Like That, It's Half Gone

Maui,

I've been dreading this day for more months than I can count. To some it may seem silly. Honestly, in my own mind I know I'm probably being a bit ridiculous, yet here I sit, happy yet sad. The turmoil you ask? Your NINTH birthday.

Nine. Such a seemingly small number in the big scheme of things. Yet in my mind, it's a great big, huge, ginormous number. Nine means that now my sweet Maui, you are just as close to being able to leave me as you are having to stay with me. Somehow in the blink of an eye you've grown and I'll blink again and you'll be out the door to college. And those thoughts leave me sitting here with tears pouring down my cheeks.

They aren't sad tears in the sense that I don't want you to grow up. They're tears of a life that you've impacted in ways I could have never imagined. You were the first of so many things. You were the first answered prayer for a child. You were the first flutter in my heart that I felt when you kicked. You were the purest form of happy tears your daddy and I cried when we found out we were pregnant with you. Your cry on the day you were born was the best and sweetest sound I'd ever heard (the doctor laughed when I said that in the delivery room).

Everyone says it, "enjoy it, it'll fly by." Yes, yes it does. And I think that's why this number that you've been so excited to hit, has been so hard for me to accept. I know my time as your mom doesn't expire on your eighteenth birthday, but I know that you'll have the freedom to roam. And as your mama that wants to keep you here and safe forever, that's hard to think about.

So tonight as I rocked you, I breathed in your sweet smell a little longer. I watched your not so little hands turn the pages of our book that we read together. I watched your long eyelashes shine against blue eyes that see the good in so much and the love that shines through them. I marveled at you and wondered how on earth I was blessed enough to be your mama. As I rocked you and knew just how hard the morning would be.  I asked you if I could always rock you no matter how big you were. You agreed. I wanted you to put it in writing, but you just smiled that pretty little smile and said "I'm not going to be one of those kids that goes away to college and doesn't care about their parents." So for the last time as an eight year old, I rocked you and sang you our songs. All the while hoping and praying that next year I'm still getting to do this and you haven't decided that you're too big for it.

My sweet child I hope you never lose the great qualities that make you you. I pray that you always follow the path God has designed for you. The love and compassion that you have for others is unrivaled. You amaze me everyday with the desire you have to help others. You looked at me tonight and said "mama, you inspire me to do good and help others." All I could do as my heart was melting is say " you know what's funny Maui? You inspire me to do the exact same thing."

So tomorrow we'll celebrate you. We'll celebrate the amazing human that you are. I'll fix you french toast and bacon for breakfast and spaghetti and garlic bread for lunch and I'll watch you smile like it's the best thing you'll ever eat. And I'll look at you and smile knowing that this day will forever be engraved in my memory. I'll look at you and wonder how I could ever love you more and know that somehow I will.

Something tells me that I'll forever look at you and see this little girl, no matter how big you get.

Something also tells me that I'll love you forever and ever my sweet baby.

Love,
Mom